Dealing With Difficult People While Planning Your Wedding: A Survivor's Guide

People come out of the ~woodwork~ when they hear you are getting married! Some opinions are helpful in the process, some not. Some people have the best intentions, some want to live vicariously through you in the most difficult way. Maybe you're the kind of person that just wants to keep everyone happy, so putting your foot down is hard!

First off, take a deep breathe! No matter what happens, it's about you and your partner getting married and sharing that love surrounded by all the people who mean the most to you. It's YOUR DAY, and it's okay to be a little selfish when it comes down to it!

If you aren't in the trenches of wedding planning yet - be warned - people will have an opinion about everything. Your dress/tux, colors, location, decor, the hotel you blocked rooms at, food, desserts, flowers, first look or not, etc. Nothing is off limits it seems! It's okay to ask people ahead of time to respect your decisions! It can all be so fun, but sometimes you have to create boundaries for yourself and for people who get a little too honest. Personally, my mom thinks my wedding should be when and where she wants it, and I shouldn't try on certain dress styles because they are ugly, and it's not fair if the location is too expensive to get to for her family that doesn't have as much money (fyi - these are people I haven't seen in 10+ years). If this sounds familiar, I'm here for you! Let's dive into a few tips on dealing with people during the wedding planning process...

Here are a couple of lines for nicely telling people to keep their opinions to themselves and just be supportive in terms of dress shopping, decor, venue, etc.:

• “I would love for you to come dress shopping with me! I know we have different styles, so I would appreciate you being supportive in whatever decision I make!”

• “I picked out a few things for the wedding and want to share them with you! It might not be what you would’ve chosen but I would appreciate your positive comments and support because I spent alot of time and effort deciding on ____!”

• "I appreciate your opinion but I tend to be more of a people pleaser in these situations and I really want to choose something I love! Would you mind waiting to let me know what you think until I've expressed how I feel about it?"

• If they still are being negative: "I understand that you might feel that way, but it’s my wedding and I’m really excited about _____!" "I'm disappointed to hear you feel that way, but I really like it and I think I'm going to go with my gut on this one!"

On to the guest list... this one can be a doozy!

There are all kinds of tips about who should be invited but not how to let them down easy if they aren't invited, so let's dig into a few responses for these types of situations:

*Mom wants you to invite her friends that you have rarely spent time with*

• "I know it would mean alot to you for them to be there and I hear you. I would like to spend time with you and people most important to me on my wedding day! There are plenty of people for you to spend time with and I don't want anyone worried about entertaining them on our night."

• If she won't let it go, suggest that she invite them to the bridal shower - IF you feel comfortable with this. If not, just put your foot down and divert the attention to another wedding detail!

• Example of putting your foot down: "I appreciate all of your support and help with this entire wedding planning process! I only want to invite people who are important and involved in me and my fiance's life and ____ are not. I know it might be hard to process, but I would not like to discuss it anymore and my decision is final. I love you and would appreciate your support moving forward."

*Friend from high school who you haven't spoken to in 5 years reaches out about a wedding invitation after seeing you are engaged*

• "It's so good to hear from you! We had to keep the wedding to our closest family and friends. I wish you could be there but I promise to share photos with you!"

• "I appreciate you reaching out! We had to be picky about the guest list because of the budget and venue space. Maybe we can catch up soon!"

All in all, you shouldn't feel bad about sharing what is best for you! Don't be scared to be honest. Hopefully, they will understand. If not yet, they (hopefully) will when they get married.

The Big Day - keeping drama at bay!

I highly suggest trying to nip a problem in the bud ahead of time, so that everyone knows what to expect and it keeps you from having to fight any fires on the day of your wedding.

If you anticipate any drama or someone trying to steal your show, I would have your wedding planner/coordinator or maid of honor/best man make an announcement during your rehearsal. At the request/approval of the marrying couple, I invite the wedding parties and families to gather around and I make a speech that goes a little like this...

• "Hi everyone! From now on, everything that might be seen as a problem that needs fixing - come to me! We should leave the bride(s)/groom(s) alone when it comes to anything that might add stress from now until the end of the wedding. We are here to celebrate them and want them to feel as at ease and stress free as possible so that they are enjoying every moment. If you need absolutely anything, please find me [or another point person] and I will get it sorted to the best of my ability. Cheers!"

This has saved more couples than you know. Even if there is drama or something that happens, normally whatever happens is not shared with the couple until after the wedding so that they don't have to spend any time/energy on it during the wedding - unless it's an emergency of course.

Family Photos -

• I recommend making it very clear ahead of time who will be in your family photos that will be taken during the wedding day. If there is someone who will be left out that might be offended or try to get in on the wedding day, it's respectful to let them know ahead of time. Not only will this give them time to prepare emotionally, but also will keep them from being embarrassed in front of others. Ex: boyfriends/girlfriends/dad's new wife/etc.

• "Hi! We are going over the family photos list and just wanted to let you know that ____ will not be included in the list. We would love to get some individual photos with you at the reception! We just only have a little bit of time and wanted to let you know beforehand."

• Another option is to send the family photos list out to everyone that's going to be in them and then send a similar text as above if anyone reaches out about not being involved.

That's all I've got for now! Let me know if there's any other scenarios that you need help with!

- cea